Moonbeams

Retirement tip for Swofties.

Activate your ‘want’ list. What is it you have always wanted to do but never had time for? Start a list of your unfinished goals, whether it’s learning a language, travelling somewhere new or taking up belly dancing.Go girl!

If you have enjoyed this post and are thinking about your retirement transition check out this interview with Ann Harrison. Available TODAY only

http://talkingprimetimewomen.com/st3ephia/

Secrets for Swofties - Five steps to manage your retirement transition

Retirement is a major life change like marriage, divorce and bereavement and while some life changes can be anticipated like getting married, others are unexpected like losing your partner. Change is hard. If it was easy, we would all lose weight, stop smoking, exercise and quit that dreaded job. However, it’s one thing to make a change but totally different to experience the transition that comes with it.

Change is an action or event. Examples of this are, divorce, redundancy and retirement. Transition is the psychological process we go through, the emotional and mental "reorganization" that we always go through when we make a change, no matter how big or small the change might be. The process is inevitable and not always pleasant. Sometimes we feel insecure about the decision we have made and our competence to follow through. We might also feel sad about the loss of our previous life and all that went with it.

So, if we use divorce as an example, receiving the Decree Nisi is the change, while the process of becoming a single woman, developing an independant life is the transition.

One of the ways to help us manage change and transition in our life is to think about a previous change we have been through, for example staring our first job, getting married or losing our mother or father. Think about a life change you have experienced and use the following five steps to see how you manage change successfully. You can then use what you have learned to plan your retirement.

1.       What feelings did you have before the change?

 

2.       What helped you come through the change successfully?

 

3.       How did you feel when the change was completed?

 

4.       What/who helped you to move on?

 

5.       What practical support were you able to make use of?

 

So my secret is, use past experience of how you managed change to help plan your retirement transition. Go girl!

If you have enjoyed this post and are thinking about your retirement transition check out this interview with Ann Harrison. Available TODAY only

http://talkingprimetimewomen.com/st3ephia/

                                                                

Are you worried about change?

The phrase “change is the only constant" has never been more apt than in the current environment where we constantly hear stories about cuts, increased overheads, competitive pressures and double dip recession.  How we deal with the changes, will really determine our success as independent women.

Now as I was wondering what message I could give that would inspire you to continue adapting and adopting new ways of doing things, I came across a powerful story that sums up how we should all respond to change.

I must point out that although I don't agree with the farmers tactics, the gist of the story is really important.

     THE WISE OLD MULE

 

    Once there was a farmer who owned an old

    mule that accidentally fell into the farmer's

    well. The farmer heard the mule 'braying'- or

    whatever mules do when they fall into

    wells.

 

    After carefully assessing the situation, the

    farmer sympathized with the mule, but

    decided that neither the mule nor the well

    was worth the trouble of saving.

 

    Instead, he called his neighbours together

    and told them what had happened...and

    enlisted them to help haul dirt to bury the

    old mule in the well and put him out of his

    misery.

 

    Initially, the old mule was hysterical! But

    as the farmer and his neighbours continued

    shovelling and the dirt hit his back...a

    thought struck him.

 

    It suddenly dawned on him that every time

    a shovel load of dirt landed on his

    back...HE SHOULD SHAKE IT OFF AND

    STEP UP! This he did, blow after blow.

 

    "Shake it off and step up...shake it off and

    step up...shake it off and step up!" he

    repeated to encourage himself. No matter

    how painful the blows, or distressing the

    situation seemed, the old mule fought

    "panic" and just kept right on SHAKING IT

    OFF AND STEPPING UP!

 

    You're right! It wasn't long before the old

    mule, battered and exhausted, STEPPED

    TRIUMPHANTLY OVER THE WALL OF

    THAT WELL!

 

    What seemed would bury him, actually

    blessed him...all because of the manner in

    which he handled his adversity.

 

    THAT'S LIFE! If we face our problems and

    respond to them positively, refusing to give

    in to panic, bitterness, or self-pity, we can

    overcome them and move on to a life of

    luxury.

 

    The adversities that come along to bury us

    usually have within them, the potential to

    benefit and bless us!

  

Remember to continue Creating Positive Change in your life as you move towards a new beginning.

 

Sectrets for swofties – Give Yourself a Health MOT

 

Changes in our lives often cause us to think about our health and it can be helpful to take time every now and then, to remind ourselves that we can take control of it. So here is a simple way to give yourself a health MOT.

Look through the list below and tick the things that put pressure on your health.

Things that put pressure on your health	Tick if appropriate
Facing major change
Money problems
Relationships
Job security
Retirement worries
Work related stress
Boredom
Feeling lonely/isolated
Being in a job you hate
Lack of time for yourself
Being an ‘unpaid’ carer
Worry/anxiety
Other- identify what they are

 Look through the list below and pick the things you tend to turn to when you are under pressure.

Things you turn to when under pressure	Tick if appropriate
Sleeping tablets
Cigarettes
Snacking on food/binge eating
Alcohol
Tranquillisers
Low mood
Shop medicines
Repeat prescriptions
Losing your temper
Blaming others
Playing the  ‘victim’
Ignoring the warning signs
Other – Identify what they are

Based on your answers in the previous tables, complete the following so you can see where you can improve. Be honest with yourself and ask ‘What can I do to take more resonsibility for my health in this area?’

 

	Areas of good health	Areas that could be improved
Physical
Mental
Social
Emotional
Spiritual

 

Here’s to a healthy ‘New You’!

 

Secrets for Swofties - Changing Career after 50

Longevity and the economic downturn are two of the reasons why more women over fifty than ever are changing their career. Indeed recent research undertaken by HSBC revealed that almost a third of the 21.3 million people in Britain over 50 are planning a career change.

I held a management role for many years and interviewed hundreds of people over the years. During this time I was frequently surprised by interviewees who only acknowledged and referred to skills related to the jobs they had done and skills learned formally in school, college, university or on training courses. However recent studies show that the emphasis on job-specific skills is changing and it appears that employers are increasingly recognising the significance of broader, more fundamental skills.

This is good news for women over fifty who are seeking to change their career as we have a whole range of experiences we can offer to demonstrate the skills employers are now looking for. Here are just a few examples of how you can demonstrate them. You will be able to think of many more

Managing the family budget (financial skills)

Project managing/ house moves, holidays etc. (organisation, planning and time management skills)

Going through divorce (well don’t you need to be able to negotiate, communicate, and have tenacity, patience and diplomacy? You get my drift!

Membership of PTA/ Committees (teamwork, communication, customer focus, co-operating skills etc.)

Paying bills and dealing with correspondence (administration skills)

Juggling with taking the children to after school activities (time management)

Now go get that job girl!

f you’ve enjoyed reading this post, and would like to know more about changing career and moving forward after fiftyplease join me for the FREE Telesummit, Talking Prime Time Women,  by going here http://talkingprimetimewomen.com/

Secrets for Swofties - How to Tame the Gremlin in Your Head

Negative self-talk can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem. When you keep making derisive statements and berating yourself, eventually you begin to believe them!

I have worked incredibly hard at turning the language I use for internal chatter, around to be positive. Try counting the number of times you use negative statements to yourself in a day and you will be surprised at how many. I changed sentences like this – “I’ll never be able to do this, I can’t do that, Things are bound to go wrong, they always do” to say instead, “I’m sure I can find a way round this. I can do this; I’m working hard to remove the things that get in the way.” If you talk your way out of things it will work, I promise!

Most often these messages began as statements articulated by the adults in our life when we were children.  They may have said something negative about us when our actions displeased them, or perhaps they had a habit of saying unkind things even when we didn’t deserve it. As painful as these experiences can be, it makes it even worse when we pick up where they left off and keep repeating the same negative messages over and over.

The good news is that we can change our self-talk any time we want.  You just have to know how to become aware of the tone of your messages and consciously replace negative statements with more encouraging ones.

 Try these simple steps for starters:

 1)      Develop awareness of your self-talk.  It will take practice, but if you keep “listening” in to your inner voice, you’ll begin to notice when you talk negatively to yourself.

 2)      Challenge your negative messages. When you notice yourself saying something negative such as, “You always mess things up, you can’t do anything right” – stop yourself and challenge that belief.  Is that really true?  Maybe you mess up sometimes, but do you ALWAYS mess up? I doubt it.

3)      Replace the negative messages with positive messages.  When you realise you’re saying unkind and untrue things to yourself, simply turn it around in your mind.  Using the above examples, you might say, “No, that’s not true at all!  I do lots of things right.  I occasionally make mistakes, but so does everyone. I’m a good person, I try my best and that’s good enough for me.”

Over time, your efforts will pay off in the form of stronger self-esteem and increased respect for yourself.  It probably won’t happen overnight, but the more you work at turning your self-talk in a more positive direction, the better you’ll feel about yourself. And besides, as my parents used to say, “success comes in 'cans' not cant's”

 If you’ve enjoyed reading this post, and would like to know more about (the topic of this post) please join me for the FREE Telesummit, Talking Prime Time Women, I’m running soon by going here http://talkingprimetimewomen.com/

 

My wish for you....(authour unknown)

Where there is pain, I wish you peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubting, I wish you a renewed confidence in your ability to work through it. Where there is tiredness or exhaustion, I wish you understanding, patience and renewed strength. Where there is fear, I wish you love and courage.Where there is pain, I wish you peace and mercy.  Where there is self-doubting, I wish you a renewed confidence in your ability to work through it. Where there is tiredness or exhaustion, I wish you understanding, patience, and renewed strength.Where there is fear, I wish you love and courage. 

                                                           

Solo travel for women Part 1 -Three easy ways to go on a solo holiday

I have just booked my summer holiday and chose an all-inclusive break in Turkey that was recommended to me last year when I was in Corfu. I had to book the flight separately as the hotel would only offer a single occupancy booking on a daily basis. So, I turned this into an opportunity, and booked for ten nights, something which is near impossible with solo holiday companies and most tour operators, who only offer bookings on a weekly bases.

My single and married friends weren't sure whether I was  brave or bonkers and appeared to be in awe of me when I told them I was going on holiday avec moi! I have therefore decided to write a series of blog posts aimed at women over fifty stepping out on holiday on their own. I hope you find them helpful. Do leave your questions and any tips you want to share about solo travel.

Traveling on your own for the first time after divorce or losing your husband or partner can feel pretty scary. But without travel companions who want the same kind of holiday as us, the choice is stepping out on your own or not having a holiday at all. Once you have overcome concerns about appearing desperate and friendless and feeling lonely and awkward eating alone, there are many benefits to going on holiday on your own.It is after all, the ultimate indulgence, being able to go where you want and do what you want, when you want. Meeting new people is exciting and you can always have fun inventing your own profile and history!

1.   Holidays for singles For your first holiday on your own I recommend going with a holiday company that specializes in package holidays for singles.There are plenty out there including, Just You,  Solos Holidays, Friendship Travel, Solitaire, Travel One and Saga for Singles.They offer all types of holidays including, city breaks, sun and sand, activity holidays and long haul trips to exotic places. These holidays have the benefit of going with a group of other singles accompanied by a representative. You can choose to do your own thing during the day or pal up with others to go sightseeing or for some retail therapy. In the evening you all meet up for a drink before dinner and share a table with the other single guests. The benefits are that you don’t get lonely and can choose to be alone or with others. There is also someone on hand in an emergency and there are no single supplements

2.   Hotels for singles Most of these hotels cater exclusively for singles and you have to book your flight separately. I stayed at Mistral Hotel in Crete and was met at the airport with other guests and taken to the hotel a short drive away. The owner and his family made everyone feel at home and were especially good with nervous people who had never been away on their own before.The Manager’s  mother cooked amazing food, much of which they had grown themselves and we all ate together in the evening. There are no single supplements

3.   Cruises for singles Cruising is an ideal getaway for single women on their own and offers the breathing space of a resort getaway, pampering service, opportunities to meet new friends and the chance to visit a new place every day.The biggest problem is the single supplements.However some cruise lines such as Crystal, Regent Seven Seas, Royal Caribbean, and Silversea only add 25% percent supplements on certain cruises for solo travelers. A cheaper alternative is to consider a cabin share by using a ‘find a partner’ programme offered by many lines. You are matched with another solo passenger of the same gender, which avoids a single supplement. Sharing a cabin with a stranger might not be your cup of tea but it does make cruising more affordable.

 Believe me, traveling alone you will definitely learn more about yourself and return feeling more confident. Why not give it a try?

Social Network Analysis - an exercise to extend your social network

We all need our family and friends and never more so than when we are facing or undertaking a major life change.

If we lose a partner, for whatever reason, sometimes relationships we shared with them are lost or damaged and the fear of feeling isolated or lonely becomes greater.

It is therefore important, when we begin a new life, to review our relationships and to develop new ones while fostering older friendships.

One way of reviewing your relationships is by drawing a circle the size of a coin with three increasingly larger circles round it.

The inner-most circle is you.

 In the first circle around it write the names of the people in your life with whom you share great intimacy, your secrets and heartfelt emotions. These are the people that are so dear to you that their absence would impact greatly on your life. They may or may not include family members.

In the next circle write the names of people who are friends and relatives you call upon to go out to dinner or see a movie, but are not those who you consider your most dear friends or those you must see regularly.

In the third circle you need to include the names of the people you participate with in life. This could contain spiritual groups, work colleagues, school college and university mates, people from sports and other clubs and organisations you belong to. Some of these individuals may move to the first or second circle in the future

Put people in the fourth circle who are paid to be in your life e.g. doctors, dentists, teachers, hairdressers, car mechanics, financial advisers and the like.

 Most people have a reasonable number in each of the circles. However people who have recently lost or come out of a permanent relationship may not have any or many in the first circle.

It is the third circle that is the garden for growing future relationships. So to make new friends join a club or society, an evening class, gym or organisation where your interests are shared. Also consider becoming a volunteer.

It is also important to nurture and develop current relationships. So pick up the phone or your mouse more often to keep in touch and ask a colleague, neighbor or friend if they would like to go for a walk, see a film or join you for some retail therapy! It means making the effort but it will be worth it in the end.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Social Network Analysis - an exercise to review your support network

Wherever we are on our life transition journey we need people who care for us in our team. I found the following exercise a helpful way to take stock of my relationships and take action to improve my support network

On a separate sheet, draw a circle in the middle of the area to represent yourself. (Me) Then create a map of your relationships – use large circles for people who are important to you and smaller circles for those who are less important. A person may be important to you, but you have infrequent contact. In this case the line between your circle and them is no longer than those people who are important and you see more frequently.

 When you have mapped out your current relationship pattern. Think: Is this pattern what I want? If the relationships are fine as they are – OK!

If you would like to change your pattern of relationships use arrows on the lines to indicate whether you would like the relationship to be closer, stay the same or be more distant. Vary the length of the arrows accordingly i.e. make the relationships you want to be closer shorter and the ones you want to be more distant longer.

When you have done this, think about the most important relationships and the changes you can actually make.

 What do you want from the relationship?

Is this possible to have?

How often do you see the person?

What is the quality of the time you spend together?

Are there additional ways you could communicate – email, letter, phone?

What could you do to make the relationship better

For a relationship change all parties must desire the change and put effort into making the change happen

Here's to  successful friendships!

Make new friends
But keep the old
One is sliver and the other gold !